FOUR FOR FRIDAY 24: RELATIONSHIPS
“You want the world to change, yet for you to remain the same. How does this make sense?”
- W.E.
1. Strategy of the week
Quality time may seem straightforward, but it can be crucial for addressing current issues and upcoming events. During this time, it's beneficial to express both wins and growth opportunities.
One tool I use in my personal life is the "growth sandwich." This involves:
Wins: Recognizing as many positive aspects in your relationship over the past week as possible.
Growth Opportunities: Identifying sticky points or areas for potential growth in your relationship and envisioning what improvements might look like.
Gratitude, Appreciation, How Self May Be Playing A Role In This: Ending with more expressions of gratitude and appreciation for your partner, as well as acknowledging your own limitations and why certain situations may affect you as they do.
From numerous mentors, podcasts, books, and research, a common theme is the importance of simultaneously recognizing what is going well and where you would like to grow. Focusing on one without the other can create blind spots.
Additionally, acknowledging your personal challenges and limitations can foster humility, which is essential for living well. As Ryan Holiday mentions in his book, "Ego is the Enemy," ego can create conflict, a sense of right and wrong, and unhealthy competition. Being aware of this can help you understand why situations unfold as they do.
2. Resource of the week: Grief Letter
I have used this with many clients as well as in group settings. The idea of a grief letter can be applied in many situations and helps with letting go. In addition, to continue building on the previous point about humility, a grief letter can prompt reflection and improve communication with your partner.
The grief letter includes the following five phrases:
"I love you”
"I'm sorry"
"I understand"
"I appreciate you"
"Thank you"
You can write as much as you want, for as long as you want, and about whatever you want, as long as these phrases are included.
An example might look like this:
"Honey, I love you. I'm sorry I did not take out the trash last week, and I know that really bothered you. I understand that you value cleanliness, as do I, and that following through with my word is important for creating balance in our relationship. I appreciate that you care about this, as do I. Our lives can be busy, and it's nice to know that we are helping and supporting each other through daily tasks. Thank you for working with me and continuing to stand by my side even when I slip and fall."
3. Tool: Relational Book Club
A relational book club can be fun and enriching. Many of us watch shows together, so why not read books together and discuss standout points as we go through them? Research shows that accountability can help individuals accomplish tasks, and I believe this can also apply to partnerships. If we are on this journey together for a lifetime, why not learn together as we go through it?
This can include books your partner has heard about or wants to read, as well as books you are interested in. I thoroughly enjoy this practice, when practiced I feel that it has allowed my partner and I to build a foundation of learning and communication. I encourage you to do the same if it feels important to you. Create the rules and parameters that make sense for your relationship.
4. Definition to Ponder: Partnership
Though this may seem straightforward, I have found that many people have different definitions of partnership. Ironing this out with your partner can be a humbling experience. What you may think is straightforward might be more nuanced and could be causing issues in your relationship if you view it differently.
One approach is to create a document with "Partnership" at the top, followed by bullet points of how you experience partnership and what it means to you. See where you and your partner overlap. Highlight the points that seem unique to both you and your partner. Explore what these mean to each of you.
I believe this activity can help enrich your relationship and, at the very least, help you develop a better understanding of how your partner sees the world, as well as yourself.
