FOUR FOR FRIDAY 19: RELATIONSHIPS
“It is one thing to not be dead, it is another to be alive.”
1. Question of the week: How do you see me in this realm?
“How do you see me here?” This was a question my partner and I asked each other on a bus from Queens to LaGuardia Airport. I recognize that I don’t know everything, so I asked, “How do I come off in this particular realm to you?” In addition,“this is how I see myself.” Specifically, we were talking about sharing. As an only child, I try to be mindful of sharing, especially given the stereotypes about only children. I admit that it isn’t always easy, especially when I’m super hungry or really enjoy something. I asked my partner how she thinks I do with sharing because I value her opinion and want to understand how to grow and improve.
I believe it’s important to be willing to drop your ego and see how another person views you in a particular area. There’s nuance here—knowing yourself while being open to feedback. What you choose to do with that feedback is up to you. I believe in three routes: take it on wholeheartedly and implement it, adapt it to fit your truth, or discard it completely and choose an alternative truth for yourself.
2. Learning of the week: Podcast- Andrew Huberman ft. Ester Perrel
I was recommended to listen to this podcast recently by a colleague. Who are these two individuals you ask?
Esther Perel
Esther Perel is a Belgian-American psychotherapist known for her work on human relationships. She is the author of the bestselling book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, which explores the complexities of maintaining desire in long-term relationships. Perel is also known for her TED Talks and her podcast Where Should We Begin?, where she conducts therapy sessions with real couples.
Andrew Huberman
Andrew Huberman is an American neuroscientist and professor at Stanford University School of Medicine. He specializes in brain development, brain function, and neural plasticity. Huberman is also the host of the Huberman Lab podcast, which focuses on health, science, and fitness, often discussing how to optimize brain function and overall well-being
Their Podcast
In their podcast episode together, titled "How to Find, Build & Maintain Healthy Romantic Relationships," Perel and Huberman discuss various aspects of romantic relationships. They cover topics such as:
- Healthy Relationship Dynamics: How to achieve and maintain them.
- Conflict Resolution: Effective ways to handle disagreements and give genuine apologies.
- Trust and Fidelity: Addressing breaches of trust and reviving relationships.
- Personal Growth: The importance of curiosity about oneself and one's partner in evolving through relationships
The episode aims to provide listeners with practical tools and insights to build and sustain fulfilling romantic relationships.
3. Values As A Couple
Another important aspect of relationships is understanding your shared values as a couple. My partner and I are working at defining these together. While I believe these values may evolve over time, I do believe that it is crucial to identify and discuss them together from the start.
What are your core pillars as a couple? Is it love, adventure, honesty, friendship, health? What do you both honor that you can hold each other accountable for? Understanding the foundation of your relationship can help you navigate through challenging times and find your way back to what you value.
4. Challenge Of The Week
Ask your partner a new question every day. Inspired by the Day One journal, where I receive a prompt each morning, today’s prompt was: “What’s a story from my life that would make a great short story or novel?” Learning seems to be the backdrop of life, including keeping the relationship alive and healthy. Asking a new question daily can encourage continued growth and deepen your understanding of each other.
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